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If Star Wars Was A Pub Fight: Episode I

7 Nov 2017

Welcome to my post! Today: Star Wars. This is an adaptation of episode I (The Phantom Menace) where the plot is a fight in a pub. If you enjoy my post, leave a like and if you like it, I'll make a second one!


The Jedi Order, The Trade Federation and The Sith are sitting at a table in a bar called Naboo. Trade Federation stands up and nods at two thugs sitting at the back, then winks at The Sith. Trade Federation and the two thugs walk toward the till and demand that they take control of the bar. The barman tries to retaliate and screams for help, looking desperately at The Jedi Order. Trade Federation smashes a glass over his head and jumps behind the bar. The thugs stand in front, guarding him.  Jedi looks around and realizes that there is no-one else in the bar and jumps up. Jedi goes up to Trade Federation, who is stealing the money from the cash register. Trade Federation looks up, worried. Jedi goes up and says that everyone should calm down and sort this out like grownups. Jedi gets punched in the face, knocks out one thug and flees out of the building.


Jedi walks around the back and goes through the kitchen door. There is another thug and Jedi punches him in the gut, winding and knocking him out. Jedi finds a man, whimpering in the corner. The man is a cook and leads Jedi down the stairs into a meat freezer where a group of people, called the Gungans, are huddled together. Jedi tries to convince them to help him take out Trade Federation and his thugs, but to no avail. Jedi walks out of the basement, head hung. He finds a few more people, including the barman's wife, the owner of the bar. He manages to get them to come with him. The owner takes them to her car. The car drives for a while, but splutters and they have to stop at a bar called Tattooine. They look around. This place is a gambling bar. They find the barman and ask if he has any gas. He says he does, but asks for money first. They all turn out their pockets, and find that between them there is no money. They ask how they can obtain some. He says that they could enter a drag race, but need a racer first.


They run around the bar and find a hopeful boy with a vamped up car. The boy enters the race and wins, but is almost pushed while racing off of a bridge by an angry (and slightly drunk) driver. They win an amount of cash and hand it to the bartender. He gives them a disgusted look and walks out of the back of the bar, and comes back with a big container full of petrol. The boy insists that he tag along with them, and they all walk out to the car and fuel it up. They then drive to a restaurant called Coruscant. When there, the group go and talk to a friend of Jedi. Sith, in disguise, sits next to them. Jedi discusses the matters at hand. Sith (in disguise) says that they should listen to him. The friend refutes, and an argument begins. Jedi discusses with his friend whether or not he should take the child with him. His friend tells him no, but Jedi decides that his opinion is more important and decides to bring the boy anyway. The bar owner breaks up the argument and suggests that they leave and sort this problem out themselves. Leaving Jedi's friend and Sith (in disguise), they walk to the car and drive back to Naboo.


When they arrive, the group goes out to the back and enters, going down to the meat closet. The shop owner tells the still whimpering group of people that they should fight with her, as they are part of the restaurant, some cooks, some cleaners. They agree and all run out front, where the group burst through the front door. The group come across a group of thugs guarding Trade Federation. The cleaners and such attack the thugs an there is an all out war, glasses being smashed on heads, punches being thrown at each other. In the chaos, Sith quietly enters the building and confronts Jedi. Jedi throws a punch at Sith, and misses. Sith grabs his arm and breaks a finger. Jedi screams and grabs Sith, dislocating his shoulder. Sith runs off. In the confusion, Trade Federation makes a runner for his car. The boy follows him and by accident throws a lighted match at the getaway car. The car blows up and a terrified Trade Federation runs off into the night. Jedi walks out of the bar, grimacing at his broken finger.  


The barman wakes up, finding the bar broken and littered with knocked out cleaners and thugs. he shrugs and begins to clean up.

Sith gets back into disguise and heads back to Coruscant.


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