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Bunk Bed Conspiracy Theories: Is The Tardigrade An Alien?

12 Jul 2017

Hello! Today my post is a theory, a conspiracy theory (Dun dun dunnnnnnn!). I'll be doing one of these every now and then, when I find something to theorize about. These posts are kind of (kind of?) based on Game Theory (or Film Theory) videos, so be sure to check those out if you're into Youtube (Link here). Anyway, my post today is about... The mighty, The terrifying: Tardigrade. 


Now, just so you people can form an image in your heads,it lives in every corner of the Earth, can survive in the vacuum of space, temperatures close to absolute zero (-272 Degrees centigrade), pressure up to six times greater of that in the deepest part of the ocean, they can go without food and water for 3 decades, ionizing radiation up to hundreds of times of what humans can survive, dry out up to the point where they are about 3% water, and look like that creepy caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland that will haunt my dreams forever. You guys are probably thinking: Oh hell yeah! This beast sounds awesome! But, maybe this tank won't be so impressive when I tell you that it only grows up to 1 mm long. And poof, just like that, the Tardigrade is no longer a buff, super-strong animal, more like a creepy 8-legged millipede that probably lives in your bed. Yay.


So you see all those alien movies, and everyone's like: "Aaaaah! the stereotypical Little Green Men are going to probe me!" But what if I told you that there could be aliens on earth? Well, it's possible. So I checked some very reliable sources (Quora) and found out this: There are some bacteria that have hitchhiked all the way from Earth to the Moon and were still found alive. This means that not only can organisms survive cosmic radiation and the vacuum of space, but that life on earth was possibly transferred via asteroid (known scientifically as Panspermia) from, wait for it, another planet! That, for me, is really cool. That means there is (possibly) a planet with abundant life, somewhere out there. However, this planet probably isn't populated by "Little Green Men (aaah!)", instead a tough creature, capable of mastering almost any envionment. Now, I believe that the Tardigrade qualifies for this. But, Tardigrades can only survive ten (ish) days in the vacuum of space. Darn. Fear not: I have a solution! In fact, I have two!


Solution 1:

This is the wacky, super-cool solution: These cute little guys were sort of just, um, "dropped" into Earth's atmosphere by some, yes, you guessed it, Green Bug-Eyed Men to take over the planet! (Muahahahahahaha!)


Solution 2:

 The boring-yet-realistic solution: Tardigrades crashed onto earth in an asteroid crash, ages ago. Enough survived to colonize the place and they slowly evolved to suit earth's "challenges", but still kept a couple of days in the tank just in case our Little Green Buddies came to pick them up. 


I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty convinced that the Tardigrade is not from this world. I hope I've convinced you, and without further ado, I'll end this post here.


leave a comment below and tell me if you liked it. Like, subscribe to the mailing list and I'll see you next time!


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